Day 6

Today was without a doubt the most difficult sit yet. My mind was absolutely all over the place. Sexual fantasies, lyric ideas, career concerns etc. Totally swept away over and over and over again. I was able to catch myself and return to the present on a number of occasions, but remaining there was simply not happening today.

The idea that the relaxed 'here & now' is the natural state of my mind was not able to hold me. In fact, today's sit felt like a total rebuke to that idea. Dog owners know that a dog simply doesn't want to walk in a straight line, all you can do is pull it back on course. That's what my mind felt like today. Which is where faith comes in.

People often associate faith with the acceptance of wild supernatural ideas without a shred of evidence. It gets a bad rap. But faith can also be about accepting something that you have no direct experience of, based on the experiences of others. Sometimes solely on the experience of others.

The reason ninety sits in ninety days has resonance for me is that 12 step programs recommend that newcomers go to ninety meetings in ninety days. The idea is that this persistence will establish new patterns of thought and behaviour and create a habit for life. To the newcomer, the question "How is sitting in a bunch of mildewy church basements for three months going to change my life?" is a reasonable one. The answer usually is "It just will. You have to experience it to find out."

So to hear that Thich Nhat Hanh recommends ninety sits in ninety days as a way to establish new patterns of thought and behaviour and create a habit for life seems very familiar. I have direct experience with the benefits of ninety meetings in ninety days. It was perhaps the first big leap of faith I took in my life. And there were days when it all felt like a bunch of weird-ass creepy voodoo and I wanted to quit. But at the end of it, my life was changed.

So this meditation persistence is about experiencing it to find out. Back at it tomorrow.